Mom's hospital stay

In my last post, The Phone call, I started the story of my mother's hospital stay, the fall she had up to the tests they gave her. We visited over the weekend, while she was still in the hospital and the nurses did quit telling her she was leaving the next day. I was leaving on my trip on the 4th(I'm driving from Illinois to California and back--will take about 2 weeks) and wasn't able to get the results before I left. My sister will be here while I'm gone, so care was not an issue...or so I thought. All the tests have been completed. The doctors have ordered and completed a head cat scan, stomach/intestinal cat scan, a sonogram on her neck and a needle biopsy. I'm pretty sure, before I leave that the prognosis is not good. Mom is looking better, she's rehydrated, not as fearful. The medical team also did a mental alertness evaluation and mom passed with flying colors--Altzheimer's is not an issue. So we wait for the news on the mass on her neck, but she looks better. The nurses kept trying to get her to stand or walk, or do anything, but she kept resisting...if nothing else, my mother is stubborn, just not always in the way that would be best for her. On another front was her placement. The social worker at the hospital kept working on it but we can't afford "private pay" placement(these won't take Medicare or Medicaid) and nursing homes do have a bad reputation. So, between going to see mom and calling me and her home in Texas, my sister began visiting nursing homes. A couple of things made it a bit easier -- she has friends that work in private care and knew some of the skuddlebut, and a couple of people that have either stayed in nursing homes or visit a relative in them. She first threw out the ones that had specific rules about when she could visit to see the facility(like why can't I visit at 8 p.m. without 24 hour advance notice???), the ones that wouldn't accept Medicare/Medicaid and ones that we had bad reports on...the list dwindled rapidly...and still no diagnoses, which means she couldn't go to some of the homes until she had a medical diagnoses. I begin my trip on the 4th, left from Mom's hospital room and journeyed to Kansas City, MO for the first part of my trip. Still no word. On the 5th, my friend and I start on our trip and about 2 p.m., my sister calls me. My mother has Stage 4 head and neck cancer. I think my friend was more upset than I, she put a hand on my arm and I shook it off...I don't do well with talking on the phone, driving and sympathy...but I think, part of me just felt a bit of relief. That may sound mean, but I've spent the last 2 years worrying about finding my mother dead in her apartment. At least now, she's being taken care of and we can either prepare to fight or prepare for hospice. The Oncologist was urging chemo/radiation, but of a less aggressive nature just to make the pain less for my mom. To do this, tho, would require a feeding tube, at least because usually the throat is burned in the process and mom won't be able to eat, even if she felt like it. The other 2 options were do nothing(surgically or within the oncological side) or treat it aggressively. Mom took a day and decided on the first option...for now. This will entail the feeding tube and chemo/radiation. And this diagnoses also took care of the placement...she will be in the nursing home within the week.

The Phone Call

It was very strange...I woke up the night before about 12:30 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep until about 4. I was wide awake, very strange. Obviously, that led to the morning and I didn't get up until late -- around 9:30 a.m.; grabbed a cup of coffee, let the dogs out and sat on the porch, planning my day: get some gardening done, finish my laundry, do some more planning on my trip and start packing since I leave in about 4-5 days. OH! and I have to go to mom's tomorrow to do her bills and see if she needs anything. I go back into the house and check my phone and I see the phone number -- its St. Joe's hospital which means its either my mother or daughter. I call and the message says that my mother was brought in this morning after she fell trying to get into bed. The nurse statet my mother had fallen about midnight, but didn't call for help until this morning! Ahh, well that must be the reason that I couldn't sleep! I'm so glad she has the life alert system...too bad it only works if you activate it! My mother is in her eighties and I knew "the call" would come sooner or later.  She hasn't taken care of herself in the past 15 - 20 years, since she had hip replacement where she found it too "painful" to actually do the physical therapy. She decided that the doctor was just being mean to her. She has lost the ability to walk and needs assistance for basic daily activities doesn't go out of her apartment for the most part, except for doctor's appointments and she's been fighting me for the past month on doing that! I really believe that my mother is the definition of "high maintenance". She receives help from home health care, but is usually aggravated by the women and doesn't want them to help her or clean--the women talk too much or not enough, can't follow directions or argue with her. To put it mildly, my mother is "prickly" and getting or keeping help is an ongoing battle. I call the ER, speak to the nurse. They need to know her meds I tell them I'll stop by her apartment, but that I live about 30 minutes away. I call my daughter, sister, son, niece and nephew and head out for the ER. I get to the ER, they've x-ray'd her hips and pelvis area and there are no breaks--good thing. But there's that mass on her neck...the one that I've been trying to get her to the doctor about(among other things). They did do a cat scan, but want to do a couple of other tests. They are going to keep her at least overnight. This is good since she is dehydrated and a bit woozie. I needed to help the nurse when they tried to take her blood pressure because she tried to take off the cuff, because it was too tight. That's not someone who can handle living on her own at this time, besides it would be much easier to do the tests while she's in the hospital. My sister came in the next day(she lives near Houston, we live near Chicago) and we decided she would stay until I get back from my trip. Mom told me to have a good time(I'd been planning this for months and had another friend who was counting on me to pick her up). Since my sister is staying in Joliet, she is there when the doctor comes in. My mother goes thru her antics: "Do you smoke?" "Well, not much and I don't inhale." I told her Clinton has never lived down that line--just leave it. One doctor finally told her that if she lights up a cigarette and puts it to her lips, she is smoking and needs to answer yes. I had told them about her drinking cuz I knew she wouldn't even come close to telling the truth on that(she goes thru about 2 - 750 mil. bottles a week). They did a cat scan on her stomach and a sonogram on the mass on her neck. The sonogram showed some thyroid nodules and they would do a biopsy soon to get a better idea of what's going on. There's a problem on the time issue since now we are getting into the July 4th weekend, the test may not be done until the 5th, but they will try to schedule it over the weekend. I leave on the 4th. The other thing that's driving my sister and I crazy is that the nurses keep coming in and telling my mother that she's going to be leaving soon which is terrifying my mother. She's decided she doesn't want to go home, she doesn't want to go to a "bad" nursing home and we haven't found a home to take her yet. I finally speak to the floor manager and tell her that yes, we understand that she will have to move, but to quit making it sound like they're going to put her out on the street with a cardboard box and shopping cart! My mother freaks out easily at the best of times...this ain't the best of times. The doctors also tell her that she's not leaving until sometime next week so, lets all get on the same page, ok? She(floor manager) agreed with me and said that she would put on her chart not to aggravate her about this. Thank YOU!