I am my 80 year old's mother "go to" child...I go to the store for her, I go to the bank for her......ok, silly joke. She lives in a senior "high rise" and I usually travel the 25 miles to her apartment weekly.
Anyway, last week I go to my mom's to run her errands--grocery store and get her money. Of course, being northern Illinois and winter, I get back to her building and pull in by the back door, where there are carts and start unloading the groceries. Usually, there are some parking spots in the back, but the employees haven't left yet and there's another car waiting for me to move. OK, so I fill up the cart...in the snow...and move my car. I figure I won't be long so I park by the recycling dumpster. Its out of the way, although not an actual parking lot, but its SNOWING and windy and I still haven't gotten the groceries into the building. I put my mom's receipts into a larger envelope, along with her money and step out of the car....and begin to fall.....
The next 45 minutes is more like a bad Charlie Chapman movie....I begin to slip in slow motion. I try to catch myself and I don't actually fall, but the envelope flies out of my hand...which would've been funny enough if I'm running around trying to catch the envelope, but not only does it fly, but it files open and money and receipts are swirling away on blizzardy gusts of wind! All I can think is, "OH MY GOD!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I start running after the bills, there is a 4-5 foot incline in this area and about 10-15 cars parked in this area and because of the incline on the east, building on the west and small trees on the south, the winds form a tornado like swirl....even tho the winds are blowing towards the north/northwest, the money has gone all four directions. Within the first 10 minutes, I find the receipt, and 2 bills -- a $5 and $10 -- out of $100...well, I'm not giving up that easily! I walk up the incline and towards the street....about 20 feet east of my point of origin(which will be referred by the acronym POO from now on), I find another $10! Oh YEA! I now only owe my mother $75! I begin sweeping the area and follow the sidewalk to the drive way(about 40 feet southeast of POO), its snowing harder, the wind has picked up and its getting colder, but there is no way I'm going up to my mother's with only $25! I'll never hear the end of it, she'll put it in her eulogy!
OH! LOOK! Its another Bill!, by the tire of one of the cars parked at this end of the back parking lot! OH and its a TWENTY DOLLAR BILL!!!! $45 down and only $55 to go! I start to walk towards it, but its at the bottom of the incline(which is ground/grass/snow) so I do that little slide walk and really wish I'd worn the duck boots I usually do instead of my canvas Doc Martens....but then I wasn't planning on playing this tragic scavenger hunt in a blizzard!!! I start looking around and under the cars and a couple of more bills....oh, I'm now up to $65, I'm above .500 and feeling lucky! At this time, the man that was the reason I moved comes over to tell me that he thinks I'm illegally parked. Now, this man parked his car at the door, rammed the cart I was using into the wall(I heard it, but I chose to ignore it), saw me start falling and that didn't bother him, went upstairs, leaving his car parked illegally and is warm and dry and he's going to come over and scowl at me and complain about MY CAR???? It wasn't in his way. I inform him that I'm a bit busy and I'll handle it in a bit. His reaction? "You aren't going to move it NOW?" He bellows....this man had a suicide wish--he says this to a woman who's glasses have frosted over, hair is dripping wet at very crazy angles, feet are soaked and I've been wandering around in the same area for over 20 minutes....I turn slowly and feel the sparks beginning to come out of my eyes(at least my glasses dried off) and turn and bellow at him, "CAN YOU SEE I'M BUSY????!!!! DO YOU THINK I'M PLAYING ON SOME TYPE OF GERIATRIC SLEDDING HILL????" Obviously, this shook him out of his suicide ideology and he walked away...
I spot a bill under one of the cars, but there's no reason I can get it without laying on the ground...hmm.....let me think---laying on the ground, I'm overweight, bad knee....a vision of a beached whale comes to mind...so I go back to my car and grab my long handled scraper/brush and finagle it around until I can pull the bill towards me---and its the other $20! EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS IN MY HANDS(well, actually the inside pocket of my jacket, but you understand what I'm saying, right?). I decide that I'll just owe my mother the other $15. I go to get the groceries, which have been outside all this time and brush some of the snow off and go inside.
I get upstairs and my mother asks what happened to you? I relayed the story...she laughed so hard that she told me it was worth the $15....yeah....love you too mom.
