So WHY do they think I can't find their church if I'd want to?

Let me start this out with I'm recovering from stomach flu. I spent Thursday with the thought that my only friend in the world was my toilet and it'd be better if I just shot myself so I'd die and wouldn't have to throw up any longer....

Ok, so, Saturday and I'm actually beginning to feel human again. I didn't take too many medications over the past couple of days because I figured they wouldn't stay down, so that means today my asthma is reacting to the weather--not so bad that I'll have an attack, but just that I can't catch my breath. Arthiritis is a bit touchy for the same reason.

We're all just being a bit lazy--husband has left to go help out a friend, grandkids are just beginning to stir(no school!! its Saturday!!! sleep in!!!). We haven't even opened the drapes when my hounds of hell start barking up a storm! I hear my neighbor outside and figure its his moving that has started the rampage of "warning" and tell them to quiet, its just Mark. That usually works, but then I hear Mark speaking to someone and the dogs are still barking. My granddaughter comes to tell me someone's at the door. Yep...its THEM -- the Religion Salesmen...it is 9:30 a.m. and we're still in our PJ's!!!

Now, I have to decide how to get them to go away...open the door and shake my head "No" to their literature...they try to open the screen door(they are not only religious scam operators, they must truly believe that their idea of god is going to save them from my hounds of hell). I grab Tuggrr by the collar who looks fearsome and is also larger than my other 2 and we block the opening(the other 2 will run out). The man finally figures out that no, his god is not going to turn my dogs into puffy liddle kittens and steps back. Or maybe it was the actual sight of this overweight redhead who hasn't brushed her hair(or teeth) yet, huffing and puffing(cuz of asthma) and still in pajamas that made him step back...I don't know. He stammers something about whatever religious snake oil he's offering and I interrupt, "I shook my head no--you didn't understand???" He mumbled, "well, umm we just wanted" I again cut him off, "You didn't hear my dogs?" again Mr. mumbler, "yes, but" "I said NO--that's all you need!" and closed the door. Now, if he'd have done this 2 days earlier I coulda done my best Excorcist impression and spewed pea soup all over him...he'd have really thought he found satan's home...

So to all of you who believe its your god given right to aggravate people on Saturday mornings because of your religious disorders...beware: if we want it, we can find it. If we don't, we may just be less than welcoming!

I think my phone number is on a bathroom wall somewhere in the South!

I've been having some very strange experiences with my cell phone. First of all, I've had the number for almost 10 years so I know that I'm not receiving these calls due to the last owner's experiences.

Last summer, I began receiving collect phone calls in the middle of the night--usually between 2-4 a.m. Obviously, I didn't accept the charges(I was sleeping so I didn't have to worry about accept in frivolous anger), but it still was a bit aggravating...and then, it got worse.

The caller started leaving me "messages". Instead of leaving his name, he at first, just breathed heavily. Then he started making noises, then sexual innuendos and up to hurting me or killing me with torture. Again, I knew he didn't know me, I knew he didn't know where I lived, but it was still unnerving! I called my carrier and they checked the phone number out. What they told me was even worse--the other phone number was a known harasser! He was from Tennessee and they'd had complaints before, as had other carriers, but they couldn't do much except put a block on the phone. Ok, do that. They gave me a number to call to complain about the harrassment with the guy's carrier.

I call the other carrier and all I get is static from the staff--can't be us, can't do anything, don't know where you got this information...I mention "FCC" and all of a sudden the mood changed and they would look into it. I did recieve a call after that, but only one and then no more...

So why am I relaying this now? Because now, I have someone texting me from Kentucky! All he/she says is "umm", but I get charged for those texts and now I have to start this all over again! I'm trying to decide if I just ignore it, will it go away? Or should I call it up and cuss it out? Or should I have my son call them up and cuss them out(he has a more menacing voice than my husband)...where is the scrawl that says, "For a good time call XXX-XXX-SSSS"?