Mom could breathe on her own, although she couldn't talk because of her throat being irritated with the tube and she was weak. We discussed moving directly back to the nursing home, but doctors, staff and family decided that hospice was a better fit at this time. There was to be no more treatment of the cancer, she couldn't handle it. We didn't know how truly weak she was although we knew that the mass had gotten so large that they could not test how far the cancer had spread(due to not being able to get the tube down her throat).The Joliet Hospice Home is a very nice place. The rooms are large and comfortable, beautiful landscaping and usually fairly quiet. My mom still is not happy with the stations(ok, the nursing home, hospital and hospice leave a lot to be desired—I think one of them at least have CNN, but none have MSNBC and they all had at least 2-3 Fox channels, Headline News-another hour of Nancy Grace would make ME say I committed a murder, CNBC and some of the basic cable channels such as Lifetime), but it is comfortable and family orientated. I went back to staying at night, sometimes both my sister and I would stay. I'd go home during the day since I did have some stuff that I had to get done, and I also had a meeting to get together for Thursday, September 1. Mom was feeling a bit better and getting her voice back, but her hair was a loss, so Cindy brought one of her wigs and it did look pretty good. The doctors and staff have decided that the good news is that mom is too well to be in hospice. The bad news? Mom is too well to be in hospice which means she has to go back to the nursing home. On Tuesday, the nurse tells me that she doesn't feel very good about my mother being able to move to Texas...Texas?? HUH? It seems that my mother and sister have plans that I'm not party to...hmm...I decide not to say anything to either one of them, maybe they just haven't included me yet. On Wednesday, I wake up and my knee(the replacement one) hurts a bit, but I just figure I slept on it wrong. The doctor comes in to see my mom and he, again, tells me about the Houston plans...I tell him that I agree with him, but I have not been told any of this from either my mother or sister. When my mom wakes up, I tell her about it, that I don't agree with it, if that's what she wants to do, fine, but I don't understand why sis just can't fly the other grand kids up, since I've had to hear about how many jewels she has to wear now, how many times they go vacationing, how much this and this and this cost...my sister equates money with being the smartest and bestest in the room, I equate it with Paris Hilton—doesn't make you smart, just makes you able to buy the trendiest accessories. So, my sister comes in and I tell her the same..the first thing she says is that this was mom's idea, she was more than willing to fly “her boys” in to see mom...whatever. She then makes the comment that it will be me doing the road trips, I say no. I've been with mom the last couple of years, we've had our good times, I'm fine with that...well, then MS. HOLIERTHANTHOU gives me that attitude about how that surely isn't enough. Me? I don't have guilt and this toxic relationship, with both mom and sister—is never going to change, is very unhealthy and I have different values about life. For the past 3 years, I've made sure my mom was taken care, her bills paid, get her food. I'd be at her house at least once every other week and spend at least 3 hours with her. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Now, why is my knee hurting even more? |
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