Mom's hospital stay

In my last post, The Phone call, I started the story of my mother's hospital stay, the fall she had up to the tests they gave her. We visited over the weekend, while she was still in the hospital and the nurses did quit telling her she was leaving the next day. I was leaving on my trip on the 4th(I'm driving from Illinois to California and back--will take about 2 weeks) and wasn't able to get the results before I left. My sister will be here while I'm gone, so care was not an issue...or so I thought. All the tests have been completed. The doctors have ordered and completed a head cat scan, stomach/intestinal cat scan, a sonogram on her neck and a needle biopsy. I'm pretty sure, before I leave that the prognosis is not good. Mom is looking better, she's rehydrated, not as fearful. The medical team also did a mental alertness evaluation and mom passed with flying colors--Altzheimer's is not an issue. So we wait for the news on the mass on her neck, but she looks better. The nurses kept trying to get her to stand or walk, or do anything, but she kept resisting...if nothing else, my mother is stubborn, just not always in the way that would be best for her. On another front was her placement. The social worker at the hospital kept working on it but we can't afford "private pay" placement(these won't take Medicare or Medicaid) and nursing homes do have a bad reputation. So, between going to see mom and calling me and her home in Texas, my sister began visiting nursing homes. A couple of things made it a bit easier -- she has friends that work in private care and knew some of the skuddlebut, and a couple of people that have either stayed in nursing homes or visit a relative in them. She first threw out the ones that had specific rules about when she could visit to see the facility(like why can't I visit at 8 p.m. without 24 hour advance notice???), the ones that wouldn't accept Medicare/Medicaid and ones that we had bad reports on...the list dwindled rapidly...and still no diagnoses, which means she couldn't go to some of the homes until she had a medical diagnoses. I begin my trip on the 4th, left from Mom's hospital room and journeyed to Kansas City, MO for the first part of my trip. Still no word. On the 5th, my friend and I start on our trip and about 2 p.m., my sister calls me. My mother has Stage 4 head and neck cancer. I think my friend was more upset than I, she put a hand on my arm and I shook it off...I don't do well with talking on the phone, driving and sympathy...but I think, part of me just felt a bit of relief. That may sound mean, but I've spent the last 2 years worrying about finding my mother dead in her apartment. At least now, she's being taken care of and we can either prepare to fight or prepare for hospice. The Oncologist was urging chemo/radiation, but of a less aggressive nature just to make the pain less for my mom. To do this, tho, would require a feeding tube, at least because usually the throat is burned in the process and mom won't be able to eat, even if she felt like it. The other 2 options were do nothing(surgically or within the oncological side) or treat it aggressively. Mom took a day and decided on the first option...for now. This will entail the feeding tube and chemo/radiation. And this diagnoses also took care of the placement...she will be in the nursing home within the week.