So WHY do they think I can't find their church if I'd want to?

Let me start this out with I'm recovering from stomach flu. I spent Thursday with the thought that my only friend in the world was my toilet and it'd be better if I just shot myself so I'd die and wouldn't have to throw up any longer....

Ok, so, Saturday and I'm actually beginning to feel human again. I didn't take too many medications over the past couple of days because I figured they wouldn't stay down, so that means today my asthma is reacting to the weather--not so bad that I'll have an attack, but just that I can't catch my breath. Arthiritis is a bit touchy for the same reason.

We're all just being a bit lazy--husband has left to go help out a friend, grandkids are just beginning to stir(no school!! its Saturday!!! sleep in!!!). We haven't even opened the drapes when my hounds of hell start barking up a storm! I hear my neighbor outside and figure its his moving that has started the rampage of "warning" and tell them to quiet, its just Mark. That usually works, but then I hear Mark speaking to someone and the dogs are still barking. My granddaughter comes to tell me someone's at the door. Yep...its THEM -- the Religion Salesmen...it is 9:30 a.m. and we're still in our PJ's!!!

Now, I have to decide how to get them to go away...open the door and shake my head "No" to their literature...they try to open the screen door(they are not only religious scam operators, they must truly believe that their idea of god is going to save them from my hounds of hell). I grab Tuggrr by the collar who looks fearsome and is also larger than my other 2 and we block the opening(the other 2 will run out). The man finally figures out that no, his god is not going to turn my dogs into puffy liddle kittens and steps back. Or maybe it was the actual sight of this overweight redhead who hasn't brushed her hair(or teeth) yet, huffing and puffing(cuz of asthma) and still in pajamas that made him step back...I don't know. He stammers something about whatever religious snake oil he's offering and I interrupt, "I shook my head no--you didn't understand???" He mumbled, "well, umm we just wanted" I again cut him off, "You didn't hear my dogs?" again Mr. mumbler, "yes, but" "I said NO--that's all you need!" and closed the door. Now, if he'd have done this 2 days earlier I coulda done my best Excorcist impression and spewed pea soup all over him...he'd have really thought he found satan's home...

So to all of you who believe its your god given right to aggravate people on Saturday mornings because of your religious disorders...beware: if we want it, we can find it. If we don't, we may just be less than welcoming!